Part 32: BONUS - Shit I Missed

Hello everyone. Last time we beat the game. Go us.

Once the credits finish rolling, you wake up in your room like nothing happened and you can continue playing indefinitely. The only difference is that the only enemies left in the game are the wolves in the woods, and whatever's in Canada. No more nazi zombies, and no more elves.

Initially I thought that I could get all the stuff I missed done in one single update. That is no longer the case. There will be one more update after this, solely for all the dialogue I missed. This update is going to cover everything else.

This update is also the single longest one in the LP yet, with almost 160 images. For the sake of reference, the previous holder of this record was the update where we were introduced to and fought Jimmy. Anyway, the first stop of the day is Eric Cartman's house.





Up in his room we can find his doll, Polly Prissypants. If we have Cartman with us, she'll actually "talk" to us.

: Hello, Douchebag. We must have tea sometime to celebrate Eric, our mutual hero.
: I just heard the most scandalous rumor about the Jew-elf king.

She then adds us as a Facebook friend. I'm serious.

: That Eric Cartman is truly the perfect gentleman.



120 friends means we've got everybody!

Anyway, something that folks have been asking about for a long time is for me to cover how all the classes play. I've pretty adequately demonstrated how mage plays, and in a dream sequence I showed how the Jew plays. So are you guys ready to finally see the Thief and Warrior in action?



Meet Douchebag the Thief. He's a ginger, though Cartman doesn't seem to care.





The most basic thief ability is just a simple backstab. It always targets the last person in the row.



The basic idea is you hit A each time the dagger flashes. Despite seeing only two flashes, there is in fact a third flash. I somehow managed to hit the flash on the same frame that it appeared.





Of course the thief is going to have the ability to steal from others.



Though no enemies have anything worth stealing. You only ever get vendor trash.





Execute is extremely powerful. Douchebag leaps into the air and throws five or six knives at the enemy, and then... well, look at the gif.



Fucking ow.





Stink bombs isn't my favorite skill. It inflicts gross out and strips away helpful buffs from the enemy. In almost every case it's simply easier to outright kill them.









Finally we have the thief ultimate ability "Death of a Thousand Cuts."

It's really long, so there's no gif. So enjoy the screenshots instead. Each time a thief appears, just press the stick toward the target.







Thief looks super badass, and is probably my second favorite class after mage.









Finally for the last step all five ninjas attack at once.



Yeah. This wolf didn't survive the assault. For what it's worth, you press down here because Douchebag is who you're directing.



Next on our list is warrior. This is Douchebag the warrior. He went to Tom's Rhinoplasty and got a face lift.



He's also a Dire AIDS patient.





The first warrior ability is Assault and Battery.



Most of the warrior abilities have sports themes.





Roshambo is probably the hardest ability in the game to get the timing for. It's incredibly unforgiving, and you have to hit it three times with just your eyes to go by.



Each time his fist hits his palm you have to hit A. On the other hand... ROCK, PAPER, NUTS!





The "remove buffs" skills aren't typically useful. I don't like using them on any of the classes, though this one is arguably the most useful variant because it also pisses off the enemy.



Somehow this gif was over 4MB before I shrank the actual dimensions.





Bull Rush is a fun ability.



Warrior douchebag has a pretty bright future as a linebacker.





Ground Stomp is an incredibly powerful ultimate ability. It's up there with Pyre Ball.



Looks like it hurt, yeah?

Anyway, that was the quick and dirty primer on the other classes. Thief specializes in statues - particularly bleeds, while warrior has a shitload of armor and a lot of his abilities inflict pissed off. Both classes hit like runaway freight trains.

Coming up next is a very long showcase of every set of armor and all the weapons in the game.



The alien set is one of the ones you can permanently miss. You find all the pieces on the alien spaceship during the events of the first night.



Ah the barbarian armor. It barely got any time to shine before we got an upgrade.



I briefly gave a lot of love to this set of armor. You get a lot of HP and you recover a lot of HP wearing it. Perfect if you want to glide along on easy mode.



We found the Bling armor in the police evidence locker. As far as I'm aware this is the only time in history that someone has worn it.







Clyde's helmet, buyable from the KKK vendor.



Ew. Just... ew.



In the warrior douchebag shots up above, this is the armor he was wearing, just colored black. It has, as far as I'm aware, the highest armor value in the game.



110 armor is quite a lot for a single head item.



Remember this armor? We wore it for all of 10 minutes.



If nothing else the Du-Rag makes douchebag look kinda tough-ish. You know, for a 9 year old.



This has to be my favorite set of armor visually.



The fuck you say? Still repping the row in the friar's set.



I'm kind of surprised that there weren't more armors like this one, armors that helped you bypass an obstacle or environmental hazard.



The underpants gnomes have a pretty snappy sense of fashion.



Another of the required armor sets. If I remember right, it was just this set, the gas mask, and the scrubs right?



Like the bling armor, I'm pretty sure this is the first time anyone has ever worn this.



The KKK set has a lot of armor for the early part of the game.



This is probably Douchebag's iconic look. It's the armor he spent the most time wearing, after all.



The knight set looks pretty badass, not gonna lie.



Oh my. I guess if you're going for a gross out build, this is the armor to use.



The mage set we beat the game with. I should note that each time we earned a promotion, this armor was upgraded.



This armor is designed to give you buffs when your buddy is down. Meh.



The girls did a pretty good job making Douchebag look feminine.



If nothing else, this does look like something a monk would wear in a kung-fu movie.



We found this set in the school during the second day. It would actually make a pretty decent set of armor for the final battles, given the bonus damage against zombies.



This is the SWAT set, and it's also permanently missable. It can be found at the "Taco Bell" construction site.



Whether you spell it "pajamas" or "pyjamas," it's still what Douchebag wears at night.



I love the tin pie plate on the chest.



The description on the right has the, well, right of it. "A cry for help," indeed. It's called the "Stupid Spoiled Whore" set.



I would say this set is permanently missable, but you need it to progress through the main story.



"You found it moist and it's still moist." Ew.



This is a permanently missable drop. You find it on the alien spaceship as a drop from the very first nazi zombie in the game.



Look, if you want to wear underpants on your head, fine. But at least make sure they're clean. Skidmarks on your hair sounds fucking gross.



It's a powerful set of armor, but I'm pretty sure just wearing it puts me on a watchlist.



This is the "training gloves." If I didn't know better I'd swear this, the headband, and the wife beater were all part of the same outfit. Though they're separate on the equipment collection screen.



The witch armor can be found in places you can only access while shrunk. It buffs fire damage pretty nicely.



This is the aforementioned wife beater armor. Such an unfortunate name for a white sleeveless tanktop.



It's Link, but in South Park!



This armor is pretty nice mid-tier stuff. Though you get access to it at the same time you get the Khan set.





Just a quick break before we delve into weapons. That was every set of armor in the game!



An early game weapon, and not a very good one at that.



I'm pretty sure this is the wand I was gushing over in Vancouver.



It's a stop sign and it inflicts slow on perfect attack.



We used this axe through a lot of the endgame. It's really good.



Early on I was lamenting the lack of equippable billy clubs. I guess I had forgotten about this.



For what it's worth, Butters' hammer and Stan's greatsword both occupy the same item slot.



Of course a Canadian halberd would be a hockey stick.



We used this sword for a while. It's really good.



This club is deceptively strong for an early-game weapon. It'll kick a lot of ass on day 1.



This crutch is permanently missable. You can only get it in Jimmy's bedroom.



This mace doesn't seem very useful.



Equip with the Wood Elf armor to really become Link.



This is arguably the strongest sword in the game. It completely ignores enemy armor.



We used this to kick Jimmy's ass. It's a damn good first day weapon.



The KKK vendor sells its. It's alright, though there are much better options by the time you can equip it.



Despite all the mage armor being upgraded, we got new weapons each time. Next time you have one of these lighters, try swinging it like a sword and see how it works out. (Don't actually do this.)



A thief weapon. Not much to say about it.



I had a lot to say about this during the actual story. I still feel the same way: it's not a very good weapon. 20 armor penetration isn't very much, especially during the second night.



This weapon is oddly weak for a day 2 offering. The 100 bonus kosher damage doesn't really make up for it.



At first I was kind of down on this knife, but it doesn't seem too bad. Bonus kosher damage, five hits, and relatively decent one handed damage make it a pretty potent zombie destroying tool in the hands of either a Jew or a Thief.



The ice wand is an actual icicle. That's adorable.



It's the starting weapon for Jews. What more can I say?



We put this to pretty good use in the first visit to the school.



I just don't find a lot of use for weapons that destroy a bunch of shields at once. That's what bows are for!



It's a flamberge rapier that broke off.



We really put this through its paces in the early parts of the game. It's a damn good weapon for early game.



5% HP restoration isn't a lot at low levels, but that's 360 HP at Douchebag's current HP. I also suspect this stacks with the Bishop set. You wouldn't deal a lot of damage, but you sure as fuck would regenerate a lot per turn.



We really came a long way from this little stick didn't we?



We really made good use of this as well. It's deceptively strong!



Even on my thief run I never really used these daggers/knives.



No bonuses, but it does hit pretty hard for a very early game weapon.



Putting bleed on a weapon doesn't work how it ought. The entire combo only generates a single stack of bleed, instead of a stack per hit like bows give.



Jew Douchebag showed how powerful this boob staff was.



I used this on my first run of the game. It wasn't very good.



The thief starting weapon.



I don't believe we ever used this axe. We got it at the tail end of Canada, and only got into one fight between getting it, and getting access to the armory of the girls. Presumably it's pretty damn strong.



Gonna be honest here, I don't really know where we picked this up, but it doesn't look very good for being a level 10 weapon.



I can't really decide what this weapon model is. Any ideas?



I don't really know where we got the Staff of Winter, either.



The Star Wand is one of those dickisly hidden items. You have to ignore the desire to fight Cartman or Kyle and instead loot the room.



The Stone Hammer is hidden on the roof of the "Taco Bell" construction site.



I guess an iron pipe would make a pretty good club, yeah.



This katana is, going by pure numbers, the strongest weapon in the game. But that's all it has going for it. You can find better weapons elsewhere.



Attack up when you kill something is a pretty nice ability.



After using this weapon, be sure to wash your hands with muriatic acid. It's the only way to get the gross off.



A pretty good wand if you want to start the "infinite PP when using fire" pain train early.



The starting weapon for warriors.



The warrior's longsword is an incredibly powerful weapon, one that we put to really good use.



This is the staff we got for being named King Douchebag. It's really good.






Another quick break before we dive back in for the ranged weapons. We're most of the way done! The general advice for all of these is "slap a bleed sticker on it and win."



This ray gun is simply not a good weapon. All it has going for it is row penetration, but it has such low damage.



We put these bar darts to good use early on.



I've never used the basketball, but the general series of weapons are pretty good.



I don't think Batman has purple batarangs.



Gotta start off somewhere, right?



I remember using this for a while. It's really good.



Probably the single best weapon to use on the Craig fight. Well, I assume so at least. No idea if it respects his AOE immunity.



This has a lot of raw damage, and penetrates through the row. It's not very good because it only fires once.



Pretty good to use for the half hour before you get hold of the Chakram from the girls.



Have you ever been hit square in the face with a dodgeball? It really fucking hurts.













Every bow-class weapon is incredibly good. They'll never steer you wrong.



Bottles of water that have previously been frozen leave an ice plug once they've melted enough. It makes the water nice and cold but damn if it isn't hard to drink.



I think I've adequately proven why this is a great weapon.



A snowball!



Ah, the Mongorian Bow. It was the start of the pain train for this LP.



Again, fucking ew. It's never cool to fling used tampons at someone.



Look at how much this sucker bounces. 9 hits? You can have a lot of fun with this one.



Like the other row penetration ranged weapons, it's just not very good.





That, folks, was every weapon and armor in the game! Here's some pretty pictures.



120 Facebook friends.



30 Chinpokomon.



103 pieces of equipment.

That makes 100% of this game. All that's left is optional dialogue, which I'll try to have out sometime this weekend.